


Too Soon

by suzannahbee123



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Mild Smut, Plot Twists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 16:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17984324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzannahbee123/pseuds/suzannahbee123
Summary: Bucky says he loves you after two months. Is this too soon? Or can you still make this work?





	Too Soon

“I love you, doll.”

 

Four words. That was apparently all it can take for everything to change irrevocably. This  _ should  _ be where fireworks went off and choirs of heavenly angels sang. Those four words  _ should  _ make your heart race and your stomach jump and etch permanent lines into your face from the smile that would bloom across your lips and crinkle your eyes.

 

“Doll?”

 

This was too soon. Way too soon. Or was it? What was wrong with you? This should be a good thing, remember?!

 

Small frown lines appeared in between those azure eyes and Bucky’s bottom lip trembled for the briefest of seconds, “I, uhhh… it’s okay. Shall I order a pizza, or…”

 

You blink, shock still coursing through you, and you realise you had stopped breathing when he uttered those four words. Guilt pierced through you, sharp and painful and completely unfair. Two months… if that. It hadn’t really been enough time to say it back...

 

“A pizza, doll?” Bucky prompted when you didn’t answer that, either, “They’re really common, sweetheart,” He smiled at you, his wide, infectious and devastatingly handsome smile, the one that had always made your heart jump for joy and you had seen two months ago in that coffee shop, after he had bumped into you and crushed his to-go coffee cup in between you. You had cursed at the mess and Bucky had inexplicably said,

 

_ “At least the coffee matches your coat. No one will know.” _

 

Then, he had smiled and laughed at your indignant sputtering, and that was that. One phone number and a date. You couldn’t have hoped for better.

 

“I know what a pizza is!” You hiss at Bucky’s smile, hating how much it was hurting you to see it. You  _ knew  _ how hard it was for Bucky to share it after everything that he went through, and still… it’s presence after this bombshell was only making you more irrational,

 

“I meant… you know what I meant, Bucky,”

 

“Oh, when I said I love you and you didn’t say it back? Don’t worry, doll face, you’ll say it when you’re ready.”

 

Bucky quickly kissed your cheek, only the slight tenseness of his shoulders giving away how he really felt about your inability to return those four words to him, then he picked up his phone, and made the call to the pizza joint.

 

The same one you had had your first date at.

 

_ “Pineapple? On pizza? That’s it! This date is cancelled!” _

 

_ You laugh at James Buchanan Barnes as he loudly attacked a delicious staple of pizza toppings, and shake your head, “Oh yeah? Says the guy who just ordered anchovies with pepperoni!” _

 

_ “Hey, I’m a man out of time! I gotta try everything to make sure I miss nothin’, doll face,” _

 

_ It had felt right, natural, that when he had met you at the restaurant, the first thing he did was tell you  _ exactly  _ who he was, what he did as an Avenger, and, most importantly, what he had been forced to do for so many years. _

 

_ No gory details, but he was as clear as the crystal wine glasses on the restaurant tables. And it hadn’t mattered.  _ This  _ man you had met barely two days previously… he had been honest, like you had known he would be… what else could he be?  _

 

_ “A man out of time? Isn’t that Steve Rogers?” _

 

_ “I’m older. I want that title, it’s a real hit with the ladies,” _

 

_ “Don’t count your chickens, Barnes.” _

 

You shake your head at the memory, at the simple joy it brought you. Goddamnit, get your head back in the game! You can’t mess this up!

 

What the hell was the matter with you?!

 

“Pizza’ll be around half an hour, shall we hit up the Netflix until then? Get comfy?”

 

“It’s just Netflix, Bucky, not “the” Netflix.” You tease, absentmindedly, “But, yeah. Netflix and Umbrella Academy sound awesome, right now,”

 

As soon as Bucky sat next to you, you cuddled up to him, nuzzling at him like a cat and wrapping your arms around his neck, “I’m sorry… I ruined our evening,”

 

“Don’t… y’didn’t do nothin’ wrong, Y/N. I never want you to be pushed into something you’re not comfortable with. It felt right for me to say it then, and I want it to be right for you, as well,”

 

“Mmmm…” You snuggle closer, draping your legs across his lap and resting your head on his right shoulder, “So… which one will we be laughing at, tonight?”

 

_ The sound of your and Bucky’s laughter rang throughout the theatre as you watched the antics on the screen. Thankfully, the movie you had come out to see was about to finish it’s run and the theatre was almost empty, so your constant chatter and mocking of the characters wasn’t going to get you into trouble.  _

 

_ This was a week after your first date, you had text and facetimed constantly, barely giving each other a break, but it meant that you were now comfortable enough with him to show him this dorky side of yourself… and, more importantly, he was at ease with you. _

 

_ Bucky snorted and threw some popcorn at the screen, “Look at this guy! I mean, who the hell loads their fists before throwing a punch?!” _

 

_ You mimicked the man on the screen, “I dunno, I think this would work well! I already feel at least 15% more able to take on bad guys,” _

 

_ Bucky considered your raised fists and then copied you, raising both of his in front of his face, “Huh, guess you’re right. I am totally using this shit in my next fight, HYDRA watch out!” _

 

_ You laughed, shoving his arm lightly, but that was the first moment that you felt an insidious tendril of… terror. Of course, you didn’t dwell on it, you just continued to laugh at the crazy stunts on the screen with your date and allow the feeling of anticipation to grow thicker between you. _

 

_ After the movie, you two had stumbled from the theatre, drunk on each others presence, and it had felt beyond natural to fall into a doorway with him, arms linked around his neck and your lips pressed to his. When he pushed you back against the cold surface, nipping at your lower lip until you opened for him, you didn’t even stop to think about how you may have been taking things too fast. The feel of his metal digits sliding up and under your skirt and rubbing gently over your lace covered core didn’t make you feel anything but wanton and desperate for more. _

 

_ Bucky brought you to your first orgasm in the doorway of a closed down laundrette in Brooklyn, just using those metal fingers and whispering truly delightfully filthy things in your ear, and you had loved every second of it, caring only about how right you had felt in his arms. You always knew it would feel this good. _

 

The door to your apartment buzzed and you jumped, accidently clocking Bucky under his chin with your head and making him grunt in shock,

 

“Wow. Two bruises in one night, doll face. Most people never even land one!”

 

You chuckle and get up, running to the door to pay for your three giant pizza’s. Bucky, with that crazy and totally unfair metabolism, would clear two and a half of those all by himself. You pay and thank the guy who delivered them and returned to the living room, frowning at Bucky,

 

“Two bruises? What two?” Bucky bit at the inside of his cheek and shrugged, taking the boxes and returning to the seat without answering or really looking at you. You sigh, your stomach jumping in nerves, “Bucky… I really do- I mean, I love being with you, you know that, and-”

 

“Y/N, don’t. Stop. I’m sorry. I’m being an asshole. I should’ve waited until after to say that, I just… I don’t know. Let’s eat, I can hear your stomach growling.”

 

You were going to argue, you didn’t want to have a perfect evening of Bucky, Netflix and pizza ruined, just because Bucky opened his big damn mouth and you were feeling too guilty about not saying it back quick enough. So, you say back down next to him and kissed his cheek, rubbing your nose against his and pecking quick kisses against those perfect lips of his until the smile came back and he laughed under his breath,

 

“You drive me crazy, Y/N. I think you always will, and I think that’s why I love you.”

 

“I’m sorry. But I do love… PIZZA!”

 

You swipe the box from his hands, completely aware that you had avoided saying it, again, and even more aware that Bucky’s smile went from rueful, to frustrated.

 

_ Week three and you had just picked up a call from Bucky, who sounded way too chipper for a Monday morning, and you were carefully avoiding rolling your eyes down the phone, _

 

_ “I’m sorry, Bucky, I really can’t come out tonight to meet your friends, I have just been offered this extra shift at the hospital and I really need the money, and-” _

 

_ “If you need help, I can-” _

 

_ “With work? No, it’s okay. This is my job, and I am perfectly capable of managing without your intervention. Women can work now,” You gasp in pretend shock, “I know it’s not what you’re used to, that gentlemen like you made the moola and us dames fed the kids, but that was back in the day, Bucky,” _

 

_ “Talkin’ kids already, Y/N?” Bucky’s voice had dropped and you bit your lip. You hadn’t slept with him… yet. Since the doorway, you had only seen him once and it was for a quick coffee date. No chance for any extra spice, there. “C’mon, doll… play hooky… come to the party with me and I’ll make out with ya in some dark corner, push up that skirt and pull down them panties and ruin ya…” _

 

_ You moan, already feeling way too aroused from just his voice, “Bucky…” Oh, but his voice and his promises always had been able to get you to agree to anything... _

 

_ “Yeah, come have fun with me and meet my stupid friends. It’s not like they really need admin staff at the hospital as much as nurses and doctors, anyway,” _

 

_ The arousal coursing through you died a sudden and painful death. _

 

_ “Oh, so, I’m not important to the running of the hospital, just because I’m admin and not a nurse or doctor, right?!” _

 

_ “No!” Bucky replied quickly, “I didn’t- that wasn’t-” _

 

_ “You know what? Don’t worry about it. I have to get back to work. See you around sometime, Mr Saves the World A Lot.” _

 

_ You hang up, seething. That tendril of fear came back, thicker and more powerful, digging in its thorns into your heart. How dare he mock your job! You were and always had been just as capable as he was, you training just as rigorous, and-  _

 

_ You took a deep breath… What you did,  _ everything  _ you did, was just as important and required just as much brain power as any nursing job… maybe James Buchanan Barnes wasn’t what you had thought, after all... _

 

_ You had felt all kinds of dark and nasty for the whole night, just barely paying attention to the data you had to input. It wasn’t even until the delicious smell of margarita pizza and a large shadow came across your screen that you even looked up, _

 

_ “Hey, doll face… you need something to eat?” _

 

_ Just like that, Bucky had made everything fine again. Everything was back on track. _

 

The episode ended, and you snapped out of the memory you were re living. A feeling of shame overcame you, it made your skin crawl and the pizza you had devoured feel like lumps of coal in your stomach. You didn’t want to lose Bucky. He made you happy, had  _ always  _ made you happy, and right now, he looked so sad. His face didn’t show it, but you knew him so well, you could spot how he was closing in on himself, how his touches were fewer and farther between, how his words were curt and short. He clearly wanted to end this night, already.

 

One of the pizza’s lay completely untouched. You looked at the abandoned pie, and worry claws at you… Bucky  _ can’t  _ leave yet. He never left food unfinished...

 

“Bucky? Why did you say you loved me?”

 

He stopped, halfway stood up from the couch, his hands on those thighs that gave you the filthiest fantasies you couldn’t wait to fulfil. That beautiful dark hair swung forward to cover his profile, so for one second, you couldn’t see the crystalline blue eyes you loved so much. Bucky sat back down and turned to you, a mixture of frustration, anger and tiredness making the blue in his eyes, dark,

 

“I told you because it’s true. I told you, because I don’t need to wait for a set period of time to tell my girl how I feel. I told you because, now I know my thoughts are my own again, I don’t want to analyse them! I just want to feel them, and I know I feel that I love you!”

 

“I love you too, Bucky.”

 

“So, fine, you don’t want to say it back? I can wai- Wait, what?!”

 

“I love you too.”

 

_ On the fourth week of knowing Bucky, exactly one month after your first date, Bucky Barnes took you on the most romantic date you had ever been on. The best restaurant, a horse and carriage ride, a walk under the stars… and back to his place, which had rose petals on the floor and candles lit up on every surface. He had kissed you, and you had kissed him back and, it could’ve been minutes or hours later, you were underneath that powerful body and his back bore the marks of your lovemaking and you have never felt more complete. You had been waiting for this, for so long... _

 

“Why did it take you so long to want to say it back, Y/N? I mean…” Bucky, cupped the side of your face with his metal palm, his thumb rubbing gently over your cheekbone, “I don’t just want you to feel you have to say it back to me. I get that maybe I should’ve waited, but I really don’t want false words from you, just to please me. Mean it, or take it back.”

 

“No. I won’t take it back, Bucky. I have never meant anything more. I love you, so much more than you realise,”

 

Bucky kissed you then, sweetly and softly, and your heart sang for him. This was all you needed, all you wanted. The words only cemented it, but they didn’t change anything.

 

“Uh, is now a bad time to mention that I have to go on a mission in a few days? And, uh… I’m probably going to be gone for at least a month?”

 

Your stomach lurches, it’s contents spinning, but you keep your smile and do not show any reaction to his words,

 

“A mission? Why will it take so long? Will it be dangerous?”

 

“They’re always dangerous, doll face. This one is… well, I can’t really go into details, but it’s got to do with something called The Red Room and HYDRA… the place that made me.”

 

_ One week ago, you had been sleeping at Bucky’s when you were jerked awake by the sound of whimpering and Bucky trembling next to you. The nightmare, the memories… they must be horrifying. All that they did to him, what they took from him. You couldn’t even imagine. _

 

_ “Shhh, my love… It’s okay. We’re together. You have me. I have you, now. Shhhh,  _ _ моя вечная любовь… shhh.” _

 

_ The Russian for “my eternal love” fell from your lips completely without thought. Your... family had taught you many languages as you grew up.  Sometimes, you slipped into them without realising. _

 

_ The tune you hummed was old, something you remember your mother humming to you, long long ago… and it soothed Bucky back to sleep. You knew it would. It had… before. _

 

“I am going to worry about you, so much, Bucky. Please, tell me everything you can? It will help me not worry so much… not picture every way that you could be dying, and I wouldn’t be there to help you,”

 

“I really can’t give you details.... But, I guess I can tell you that we think there’s a new base set up? Maybe some old assets setting it up. But, we gotta go recon and… ugh.” Bucky suddenly looked green around the gills, “Jesus, that pizza is really doing a number on me, doll face. I’m sorry, I-”

 

Bucky runs to the bathroom and you stare after him, feeling excitement course through you… soon…

 

It really had been too soon for him to say he loved you, not that you minded, exactly. You had waited for those words to leave his lips since you had met him. The sound of a groan and a thud made you sigh and dust your hands off, before getting to your feet and making your way to the bathroom.

 

Bucky was on his back, sweat beaded his temples and across his forehead, and he raised a hand to try to prevent you from getting any closer,

 

“I have no idea what is causin’ this, but ya gotta call Steve for me, okay? This has gotta be some poison or- aaahhhh…”

 

Bucky groaned and fell back again, so you knelt next to him, saying the words you had waited to utter so patiently, ever since you had run into him at the coffee shop,

 

“Don’t fight it,  _ моя вечная любовь,  _ it is only making you weak enough to knock out and transport back home. Do not fret, I will be with you, the whole time,”

 

Fear made Bucky’s face pale dramatically, “Russian? Home? What the hell is going on, Y/N?”

 

“My name isn’t Y/N. It’s just a cover.” You smile down at him, “They took me from your memory, they took everything! I loved you my whole life! You trained me and promised to wait for me, and-”

 

“The Red Room? You were a girl there?”

 

“You were the kindest one… and then HYDRA took you to America… took you away. You forgot all about me, Soldat-”

 

“That’s not my name!”

 

“I don’t blame you for forgetting, Soldat,” You soothed, ignoring his outburst, “You wanted the words gone, and I understand that. I don’t want you as a robot. I want you as you, as the man who has my heart and always will. Now and forever,”

 

“What do you want?” Tears shone in Bucky’s eyes, but they began to droop, “Please… don’t take me away again…”

 

“They said that if I can get them information on what the Avengers are planning, which I do now, then I could have you back. They will all die… but we’ll be together, again. You love me, you said it yourself.”

 

Your beautiful Soldat was passed out now, the drugs you had laced the pizza with doing their job, admirably. The tiny tendril of fear that had been plaguing you for these last six weeks, died and disappeared. You had stuck to the plan, you hadn’t been weak and let him go because he was happy. His happiness was a lie. The mad scientists in Wakanda had pulled out everything that made him,  _ him!  _ Soldat was the perfect man, he had been filled with love for what he did… now, they had changed him, made him softer, but you loved him still.

 

The pizza boy/HYDRA agent came in, along with some others, and they took Bucky with them, to the transportation that waited for them, outside. You take one last look at the place you had called home for the last year whilst you had cemented your plans for the Avengers, for your new Red Room, and for Bucky.

 

“Yes. It is done.” You say into your encrypted cell phone, “The Winter Soldier is coming home.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
